Attention & Behavior

Emotional / Behavioral Disorders

Behavior is communication. The question is never just "how do we stop it" — it's "what is it telling us?"

If you're here because you're scared, that's okay. You're not alone, and noticing is the first act of advocacy.

Read as much or as little of this page as you have room for today. It will still be here tomorrow.

What this is

Understanding Emotional / Behavioral Disorders

This category covers conditions where emotional or behavioral responses differ so much from expectations that they interfere with learning and relationships — depression, severe anxiety, mood conditions, trauma responses, and more.

Kids in this category get suspended, restrained, and pushed out at higher rates than any other group. Knowing the discipline protections in IDEA before you need them is one of the most protective things you can do.

Key protections: after 10 cumulative days of removal in a school year, the school must hold a manifestation determination review. If the behavior was a manifestation of the disability, they generally can't discipline your child out of their placement — they have to fix the plan.

Could this be it?

Early signs, by age

None of these are a diagnosis, and no child shows all of them. This is a list to help you notice patterns and describe them clearly to someone who can evaluate.

Toddler & preschool

Aggression or self-injury well beyond typical frustration
Extreme, long meltdowns that don't respond to comfort
Withdrawn, flat, or fearful with familiar adults
Preschool asking you to pick up early, repeatedly

Early elementary

Frequent office referrals, suspensions, or calls to pick up
Explosive reactions to small demands or transitions
Hopeless or self-critical statements ("I'm bad," "nobody likes me")
Difficulty making or keeping friends

Older kids & teens

Persistent sadness, irritability, or loss of interest
Escalating conflicts with staff and peers
School avoidance, substance use, or risk-taking
Any talk of self-harm — treat as urgent, call a professional today

What to do next

In this order, when you're ready

1
If there is any mention of self-harm, act today
Call your child's doctor or a crisis line. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any hour. Everything else on this page can wait; this can't.
2
Request a Functional Behavior Assessment in writing
An FBA identifies what the behavior is accomplishing for your child — escape, attention, sensory, control. Without it, a behavior plan is guesswork. Ask that the FBA include your input and observations in multiple settings.
3
Track every removal, including informal ones
Half-days, "come get him," bus suspensions, and in-school suspension can count toward the 10-day threshold. Keep a dated log — schools frequently undercount.
4
Ask for skills, not just consequences
A good plan teaches replacement behaviors and coping skills. If the plan is only a list of consequences, it isn't a plan; it's a scoreboard.
5
Write down what you're seeing
Dates, examples, the exact words your child used, how long homework took. You don't need a diagnosis to keep a record — you just need a notebook. This becomes the backbone of every conversation that follows.
6
If your child is under 3, call early intervention today
IDEA Part C gives every state a free early intervention program for babies and toddlers from birth to age 3. You do not need a doctor's referral and you do not need a diagnosis — a parent can refer their own child. Search "[your state] early intervention Part C" or ask your pediatrician for the number. For ages 3 and up, the same law (IDEA Part B) makes your local public school district responsible, even if your child doesn't attend school there yet.
7
Put your request for an evaluation in writing
Email or hand-deliver a dated letter to the school principal and the special education director asking for a full initial evaluation, and say what you're worried about. Writing it down starts the legal clock. Ask for a copy of your Procedural Safeguards at the same time.
8
Talk with your pediatrician
A medical visit can rule things in or out — hearing, vision, sleep, iron levels, anxiety — and can open the door to outside evaluations and therapies that run alongside anything school provides.
9
Say it out loud to your child, gently
Kids usually already know something is harder for them. Naming it kindly — "your brain works in a particular way and we're figuring out what helps" — turns shame into a plan.

Try this at home

Small things you can do this week

These are everyday activities, not therapy or instruction. Ten warm minutes beats an hour that ends in tears — stop before either of you is done being pleasant.

Ages 3–1210 min

Ten minutes of no-agenda time

Child picks the activity, you narrate and don't correct, question, or teach. Daily special time is one of the best-evidenced ways to reduce hard behavior at home.

All ages10 min

Repair after, not during

When it's over and everyone's calm, talk about what happened and what you'll both try next time. Learning can't happen in the storm.

All ages3 min

Log the before and after

What happened right before, what your child did, what happened right after. Two weeks of that in our behavior log will show a pattern nobody in the meeting can dismiss.

These ideas are general parenting suggestions for families reading about Emotional / Behavioral Disorders. They aren't therapy, instruction, or medical advice — follow the plan your child's team has set.

Looking ahead

When your child reaches their teens

Starting somewhere between 14 and 16, the IEP has to begin planning for life after school: postsecondary goals, independent living skills, vocational training, and connecting with adult services before school ends. Decision-making changes at 18, too.

Read the transition planning guide

Where to read more

Organizations we trust

These are national nonprofits, university centers, and government resources. Firm Footing isn't affiliated with any of them — we just think they're worth your time.

Your IEP meeting

Before, during, and after

An IEP meeting is a working meeting, not a verdict. You are a full member of the team, and you can ask for another meeting any time.

Evaluations to ask for

Name these specifically in your written request — a general request gets a general answer.

Functional Behavior Assessment with data across settings
Social-emotional and behavioral rating scales from home and school
Mental health evaluation (school and/or outside clinician)
Trauma-informed screening where relevant
Academic testing — academic frustration frequently drives behavior
Review of all discipline and removal data

Before the meeting

Ask for a copy of the draft IEP, the evaluation report, and any progress data at least a few days ahead. You are allowed to read before you decide.
Send a short list of your concerns and questions in writing before the meeting so they must be addressed on the record.
Write your own one-page "parent input statement" — who your child is, what's working, what isn't, what you want by the end of the year. Ask that it be attached to the IEP.
Bring someone: a partner, a friend, a note-taker, or an advocate. You are allowed to bring anyone with knowledge or special expertise about your child.
Check your state's rules on recording, and give written notice if you plan to record.

During the meeting

Ask for a running count of days removed this year and ask whether the 10-day threshold has been crossed.
Ask that restraint and seclusion be explicitly prohibited in the IEP, and ask for the district's policy in writing.
Ask each person to say what data they used. "What is that based on?" is a complete, polite question.
Slow the meeting down when a term goes by that you don't know. "Can you say that in plain language?" is your right, not an interruption.
Test every goal out loud: What exact skill? How will it be measured? What's the target number? Under what conditions? By when?
Check that the services page matches the needs page — every need described in the PLAAFP should have a goal, a service, or an accommodation attached to it.
If you disagree, don't refuse to sign in silence. Ask for your disagreement to be written into the meeting notes, and ask what the school proposes instead.

Services to ask about

Behavior Intervention Plan built directly from the FBA, with replacement behaviors taught
Counseling as a related service with stated minutes
Social work services and family collaboration
Explicit instruction in self-regulation and coping strategies
Crisis plan naming staff, steps, and what will not be used (restraint, seclusion)
Behavior specialist consultation to staff, written into the IEP

Accommodations to ask about

Break card and a designated calm space, available without escalation
Advance warning of transitions and changes
Check-in / check-out with a trusted adult at both ends of the day
Reduced or private correction; no public reprimands
Choice-making opportunities built into tasks
Modified workload during high-stress periods
Re-entry conversation after an incident instead of a punitive return

After the meeting

Send a same-day follow-up email summarizing what was agreed and what's still open. A friendly written summary becomes the record.
Read the final IEP against your notes when it arrives. If something is missing or different, say so in writing within days, not months.
Calendar the progress reporting dates and ask for the actual data, not just "making progress."
If services aren't being delivered, ask for the service log in writing. Missed minutes can mean compensatory services.
If you disagree with the school's evaluation, you can request an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) at public expense — ask in writing.

Still not sure

Bring the document, or bring the question

If you already have an IEP or evaluation in hand, Decode My IEP will read it with you and flag the vague goals. If you just want to ask something out loud, Sprout answers in plain language.

Decode my IEP Ask Sprout a question

Related guides

Firm Footing is an independent resource. Nothing on this page is medical, psychological, or legal advice, and none of the organizations linked here are affiliated with us. Special education rules vary by state and district — your state's Parent Training and Information Center can help you with local specifics for free.